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Dear Son,
I'm writing this slow 'cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within twenty miles of home, so we moved. Won't be able to send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them for their house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen 'em since.
It only rained twice this week, three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send to you, Aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, and it said if we didn't make the final payment on Grandma's funderal bill, up she comes.
About your sister, she had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether if it is a boy or a girl so don't know if you are an Aunt or Uncle.
Your Uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to get him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup. One was driving and the other two were in the back. The driver got out. He rolled down the window and swam to safery. The other 2 drowned. They couldn't get the tail gate down.
Not much more news this time. Nothing much happened. If you don't get this letter, please let me know and I will send another one.
Love, Ma
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
Q: What has 132 legs and 8 teeth?
A: The front row of a Garth Brooks concert!
A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.
The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!
You might be i redneck if you drive your ...
You might be a redneck if you drive your truck through a metal detector...and it doesn't go off.
A Tennessee man and an Alabama man were fighting in a war, and both were caught by the enemy.
"Before i put you to death," said the enemy, "do you have any last requests?"
The Alabama man said, "Could you shoot me after you play the song 'Yeah, Alabama?"
"Sure," the man agreed. "How about you?"
The Tennessee man said, "COuld you shoot me before you play 'Yeah, Alabam?"
An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
Tasties in a Half Shell
Q: Why did God invent armadillos?
A: So that rednecks can have 'possum on the half-shell.
Redneck Marriage
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.
How do you know the Toothbrush was invented...
How do you know the Toothbrush was invented by a redneck?
Because it would have been named a Teethbrush if someone else had.
What do you get when you have 32 rednecks in a room?
A full set of teeth.
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