Why are there hardly any dental professionals in Arkansas?
Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.
One day there were two men walking down a dirt path. One of them had a big potato sack over his shoulder. The other decided to ask what was in the sack.
When he asked, the man said, ''I got me some chickens for dinner tonight. Mmm Mmm Mmm... Chicken sure sounds good tonight.''
The other one wanted to know how many chickens were in the sack.
''Well I'll tell you,'' replied the man, ''If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack I'll give them both to you.''
You know you're a redneck when the biggest city you've been to is Wal-Mart.
If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
Questions and answers selected from tests in Springdale, Arkansas in 2000 to 16 year old students! (Don't laugh too hard - one of these may be the president someday.)
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Do you know why flies have wings?
So they can beat the hicks to the watermelon.
Two rednecks are driving down the highway, drinking their beer, when flashing lights from a policeman appear in the driver's rear-view mirror. ''Don't worry!'' says the driver to his friend, ''Just do exactly what I tell you and everything will work out perfectly. First, we'll peel the labels off our beer bottles and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now shove all of the bottles under the front seat! And, let me do all the talking!''
They pull over to the side of the road and the cop walks up to the car. He shines his flashlight into the car and looks at the two drunks. ''Have you been drinking?'' he asks them.
''Oh no Sir,'' replies the driver.
''I noticed you weaving back and forth across the highway. Are you sure you haven't been drinking?'' the cop asks.
''Oh, no sir,'' the drunk answers. ''We haven't had a thing to drink tonight.''
''Well, I've got to ask you,'' says the cop, ''What on earth are those things on your forehead?''
''That's easy, Officer,'' says the drunk. ''You see, we're both alchoholics, and we're on the patch!''
There was a Kentucky redneck and an Ohio buckeye, fishing on their respective sides of the Ohio river. Just as soon as the redneck put his line in the water, he slung a fish onto the bank, and the buckeye was catching nothing, so he yelled across to the redneck, ''Buddy, I'd sure like to be on your side of the river!''
''Aight, tell ya whut, I'll shine my flashlight 'cross this river, and you can walk across this little beam of light!'' the redneck yelled back.
The buckeye replied, ''Hain't no way, buddy. I know you think I'm a fool! When I get halfway 'cross, you'll turn your flashlight off!''
Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs.
A farmer's crop was ruined for the year and he was having no luck at all. Then he heard a voice, ''If you build it they will come.'' He thought nothing of it at first but then he heard it again, ''If you build it they will come.'' So the farmer thought and thought, prayed and prayed, until finally, he knew what to do. A few months later he completed construction of his new strip club!
Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.
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