A couple had just started their Lamaze class and were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad."
The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up.
"You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, just the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked.
"Exactly," replied the instructor.
To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
At one of the last all-girl schools in Dallas years ago, the instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to give their escorts every chance to be gallant.
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step around and open the door for you." she said.
Then, returning to reality she added, "But if the big oaf is in the restaurant ordering his steak...don't wait any longer."
A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.
His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Mercedes in the garage, no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
She replies, "Ours is prettier."
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl asked, "I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out & wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man who was standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.
"I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife," the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl. "But I don't know her size."
"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
"Why yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."
"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
"Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs some lingerie."
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece, based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of flowers to be sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly Todd replied, "Yesterday."
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John and Nancy had been married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows.
They were discussing the details of their second wedding with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown, and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. Nancy replied, "Silver."
At that point, her husband chimed in, "Yep silver ... to match her hair."
Shooting a glaring look at John's bald spot, Nancy's friend said, "So John, I guess you are going barefoot."
In a small town, there was a big factory that hired only married men.
Upset, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous or what?"
"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders and have learned to keep their mouths shut when I yell at them."
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