Doctor, doctor, I think I've gone a funny color.
Nonsense, it's just a pigment of your imagination.
Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a dustbin.
Don't talk rubbish.
Doctor to Patient: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: The good news, please.
Doctor: The good news is that you have only twentyfour hours to live.
Patient: If that's the good news, what's the bad news?
Doctor: I should have told you yesterday.
Doctor, Doctor.
My sister thinks she's a seabird.
She'll just have to wait her tern.
Doctor, Doctor, my wooden leg is giving me a lot of pain.
Why is that?
My wife keeps hitting me over the head with it.
This man went to the doctor. He said, 'Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell.'
The doctor said, 'You're built upside down.'
This woman went to the doctor. She said, 'Doctor, my husband thinks he's a cat.'
The doctor said, 'How do you know that?' She said, 'Well every night, when I go to bed, there's this horrible howling outside the window.'
The doctor said, 'Yes, but are you sure that that's your husband?'
She said, 'Well a cat wouldn't use language like that.'
A man went to his doctor to find out why he had been having such severe headaches. The doctor ran some tests and after a few hours called the man into his office. "I have terrible news," he told the patient. "Your condition is terminal." "Oh no!" the man wailed. "How long do I have?" "Ten ..." began the doctor. "Ten what?" the patient interrupted. "Days? Months? Years?" "Nine," said the doctor, "eight, seven, six, ..."
Patient: 'Doctor, why did the receptionist rush out of the room screaming?'
Doctor: 'When she asked you to strip to the waist ready for my examination she meant you to strip from the neck down, not from the toes up!'
Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel like a pencil.
Doctor: Can you get to the point.
Doctor, doctor, my son's just swallowed some gunpowder.
Well, don't point him at me.
'Doctor, doctor, I keep stealing things. Can you give me something for it?'
'Try these pills. And if they don't work, bring me back a DVD player."
Doctor, doctor, I keep stealing things.
Have you taken anything for it?
Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.
When did this first happen?
Next Tuesday.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a snail.
Don't worry, we'll soon have you out of your shell.
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