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A man was recently flying to New York. He decided to strike up a conversation with his seat mate.
"I've got a great policeman joke. Would you like to hear it?"
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head.
He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error.
"Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch.
"Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch.
He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head.
"Head on curb."
A sargeant bawled out a rookie. "Did you watch all of the exits like I told you?"
"Yep," the rookie answered. "I think he must have left by one of the entrances!"
My wife and I have our little fights.
We had a fight last week.
Nothing much, only two police cars.
A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?"
I said, "No."
He said, "Stick 'em up!"
These two police officers were traveling through the upper mid-west one February when it started to snow. The wind was blowing and it was very cold.
One of the cops spotted a light on the hill next to the road and said, "That looks like a farm up there, lets go up and see if we can get out of this blizzard."
The other one agrees and up the hill they go. When they get to the farm they find a real nice lady, explain to her that they are law enforcement officers, and they ask if they can stay in the barn until the storm blows over.
The lady explains that she is a widow with this nice comfortable 3 bedroom house and it won't be necessary to stay in the barn since they are police officers, as there is plenty of room in the house. So the two cops settle in and the widow cooks up a nice dinner and after watching some television everyone turns in.
The next morning they find the roads are clear and after a nice big breakfast the two officers thank the widow for her hospitality and depart.
About six months later one of the officers receives a registered letter from a law firm in the state where they met the widow.
He calls his buddy and asks, "Do you remember the night we stayed with that lady during the big blizzard?"
"Sure," his buddy replied. "Why?"
"Did you sneak into her room, make love and give her my name as yours?"
"Well yes," his friend said, "but you are single and sleeping around and I'm married, so I didn't think you would mind."
"Naw, thats fine," his buddy replied. "Just wanted you to know she died and left me her farm, the house, and her bank account. Thanks now I can quit the force!"
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police. When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought the steering had gone."
At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over.
The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go."
The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"
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