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Two little old ladies were walking through the park one Sunday afternoon. The band was playing a catchy sounding tune, and one of the old ladies said, "I wonder what the name of that tune is". The other one noticed a sign posted near the bandstand and said, "It looks like they post the names of their selections. I'll go down and see". A while later she came back and told her companion, "It's the Refrain from Spitting".
A hermit was arrested after driving a hundred miles an hour, the charge was recluse driving.
When William Shakespeare went swimming one day he was obsessed with the notion that moths had been feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to investigate and make a thorough search. The friend replied, "No holes, bard."
MAN ON PHONE: "How long does it take to fly to Hong Kong?"
TRAVEL AGENT: "Just a minute, sir. . ."
MAN ON PHONE: "Thanks very much".
Honk your horn if you love peace and quiet.
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied the owner, but I can't sell you that."
"Why not asked the customer?"
"Because that's my husband."
What do you get if you cross a fruit with a Welshman?
A taffy apple.
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